Ep. 23 - How to Be More Confident

How can you be more confident? In this episode, I discuss the importance of confidence, and shares some tips on how to increase your confidence in different areas of life.

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Intro

Hey what is going on! Welcome to “The Message” with yours truly Angel. In this episode, we’re going to cover some ways that can help you be more confident in life. Although some are born with more confidence than others, I very much believe that it is something we all can work on. But before we get into that, I just want to say that I hope all is well with you. Remember first and foremost that I appreciate you tuning in at this moment and that God loves you and has amazing plans for your life. I completely understand if you don’t exactly feel that way. Life isn’t very easy, for believers and non-believers. Being a Christian can be extremely difficult and I’ll save the details for a future episode for sure. But I myself have been struggling with breaking out of being content, and continue progressing in life. I’m someone who if I’m not getting better at something, I feel like I’m wasting my life away. I need goals and things to conquer in life otherwise I’m not contributing to society in my opinion. Luckily my foundation in God helps me stay grounded and always remember that I’ve been created in purpose. This helps me stay confident in that God does have a plan for me and that I just need to continue doing what I am capable of doing. Confidence is key. Confidence I believe is necessary to be successful in life. For example if you’re not confident in your talents, then who is going to believe in you? If you’re not confident in God, then how can you find peace in knowing He is sovereign? If you’re not confident socially, you may miss on networking opportunities because you don’t want to step out and meet new people. Long story short, confidence is extremely important and I hope that by the end of this episode, I can give you some tools that’ll help you be more confident in life, and ready to break through those obstacles you may be facing.

Wasn’t Always Confident

A few weeks ago there was this challenge that went viral on social media that was called the “How hard aging has hit you challenge.” The challenge pretty much consists of finding a picture of you from a decade ago, and comparing to one of you recently. There should be a dramatic difference when they’re side by side. When I looked at the photo I chose from 2009, I remembered the guy in the photo. I wasn’t so confident in myself.  As a result, I walked around with a chip on my shoulder. Always felt like I had to prove something. Just by looking at the photo you could tell. It was as if I had to show others that I’m a man and not some kid. 

Now there were many factors to why I acted this way growing up. First off I grew up without my father raising me, so there was a lot I had to learn on my own when it came to being a man. Made some mistakes along the way, but by the grace of God I turned out good. Fast forward ten years, and much has changed. Back then I wasn’t so approachable. I was told I didn’t smile much while walking to class while today at my job, I get asked a lot about why am I always smiling. I was once was asked if I smoked, thinking I was coming high to work. I got a good laugh out of that. Back then I used to be petty, somewhat spiteful, and my mouth didn't have much of a filter. I used to use swear words without much of a second thought. Now today, I understand how vital it is to understand that the tongue speaks either life of death.

I wasn’t born 100% confident in myself, it was a journey. This podcast is to help you take a lot less in discovering how to be more confident in yourself. Hopefully you’ll learn from my mistakes and testimony today, and it may be of some help in your journey of life. Because I believe that confidence is key to anything you do.

What does God say you are?

Now going back in High School, I wasn’t so rooted in God as I am now. Sure I grew up Christian, but I wasn’t living it out. I didn’t do drugs or slept around, but I swore a lot back then and was a bit of a prick to be quite honest. I also hung around some people that weren’t a good influence for me. That’s not to say I was a horrible person back then either, but that I matured a lot since then. 

In college is when I really started to become more comfortable with embracing my faith and understanding that this means you will never truly fit in with the crowd, since in HS that’s all I wanted to do. Before I name some of the other methods of becoming more confident, I think it’s important to start with God. After all we were all created by the Lord and when we truly understand that we’re the pinnacle of creation, we start to see our lives differently. 

If we look at the Bible, in the book of Psalm 139: 13-14 it says,

“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”

Pay close attention to what it says. The Lord formed us and created us to be complex. In creation, God spoke things to existence. He said it, and it became. He did things different with creating us. He actually formed and created us. Think about it. When you look at the human body, you realize how amazing it truly is. With the body fighting off a cold, or forming a scab over a found. Even so much as our minds that are more powerful than any computer. God took time and care in creating you. The next time you feel you’re insignificant or not confident, remember you were created by the same God who spoke everything into existence.

The Word always says you were not made to live with fear, but with power. If we look to 2 Timothy 1:7 it says,

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

Remember that you created to reflect the image of God. This means you were not created to be fearful. You created to be a powerful instrument for God to carry out his sovergn will. If you're listening to this, understand this to be true, even if you don't believe it at first. You were created with purpose. You are not on this earth to just sleep, work, and then eventually pass. You have a mission on this earth that the Lord has given you. Live life with purpose. Live your life knowing that you are a child of God and through Him, you're more than a conqueror!

Control your Exterior

Now that I've given you some tools to switch your mindset, I think it is also very important to talk about appearance. You know as well as I do, a haircut or a new outfit can make a huge difference in how you feel. It's not a bad thing to take care of your appearance. After all we're told to take off the Holy Temple. Some folks are not confident about themselves because of how they appear physically. The good news is, there’s a lot of this that you’re in control over. One of the most common reasons people are not happy with their appearance is because they’re not in shape. They may not fit in clothes as well as they’d like and want either lose weight, or maybe someone is too thin and they want to gain weight. That’s what happened with me.

Throughout my life I was a pretty skinny kid. I wasn’t too skinny either but I had trouble gaining weight because of my fast metabolism. Near the end of my sophomore year in college, I decided that I had enough of being skinny. I hated how big the sleeves of shirts used to look on me. I hated not having size on me. But instead of complaining about it and letting it affect my confidence, I understood that I can actually do something about it. So I signed up for a gym. I signed up for Planet Fitness in the summer of 2013. I hit the gym the very same day as I signed up. I remember going on bodybuilding.com day after day. Looking up ways to workout and eat right. I found out that I had a fast metabolism and that was preventing me from gaining weight as fast as others. I had to eat every 2-3 hours if I wanted to break through. So I did. I worked at a supermarket and every 2-3 hours I was buying food and washing it down with a protein shake. I started to see the scale go up after a couple of weeks. I remember putting on shirts and thinking they shrunk because they fit me tighter. But the length of the shirt was the same, it was I that was getting bigger. I gained 25 pounds over that summer and I’ll never forget the reactions when I got back to school. II had left college for the summer, as a skinny kid and now I came back with a large frame and sleeves hugging the arms. I remember one female friend I had, would have trouble keeping eye contact because they kept looking at how much larger my arms got for example. Had another friend asking me what’s the secret. You don’t think this boosted my confidence? It definitely did! I looked in the mirror and I liked what I saw. I liked how much my frame changed. The best part was, it was something that I worked hard for, because I understand that this was under my control. So if you’re not happy with your body, work out! Sign up for a gym and hit it at least three times a week. Look up ways on how to diet properly. It’s much simpler than what magazines may want you to think. No secrets, it’s just eating clean and hitting the iron.

Besides your body, maybe your style could use some fine tuning to help boost your confidence. Change your wardrobe up and buy some new clothes for yourself. Go on Pinterest or YouTube if you need some inspiration or ideas on how to put together a nice outfit. Shoot even I used them to help out with my style. Put more care into how you look and you’ll feel better about yourself. I don’t feel as confident when I’ve gone more than I’d like, without a haircut. I don’t feel as confident when I see my size go down from my inconsistency in the gym. But these are things you can control.

Back in high school, I used to watch the MTV show, Jersey Shore heavy. I remember a quote from the show that funny enough, is actually true. It was by Mike “The Situation” and on the show while getting a haircut he had said,

“If you looking good, you feeling good. if you feeling good, you get good results”

Audit your Circle

So now you understand where your identify comes from and some ways to approve your appearance, but another important part of your confidence is your circle. Your inner circle of friends is very important. In this life, success can’t be done along. You need a group of good people beside you. They say you’re the sum of your five closest friends, so it’s important that this is a compliment, and not an insult. You have to be around others that motivate you and help build you up. Are the people you hang with, content with their lives? Are they looking to better themselves? Do they have goals? This is important because surrounding yourself with others that want to succeed, will only help you in the long run which does affect confidence. How can you be a confident person, if you’re rolling with friends that are losers? Maybe they’re not losers the sense of not having goals, but how they treat you is also important. You can’t have friends who speak negativity into your life. Sure you need honest friends, but at the same time they need to be optimistic as well. That’s why every now and then I look at my inner circle and audit them. Which friends are making moves? Which friends are helping me grow? Which are causing drama and negativity in my life? My life is just too short, to be wasting with those who have no ambition. If you’re not helping me in some way or another, you got to go. I won’t think twice about either. It’s pretty scary how quick I can cut someone out of my life without feeling bad. But I need to be selfish in some aspects of my life. I need to be around people just as good as me, or preferably better than me. My advice? Look at the closest people around you, and make sure they’re helping you be better.

Get a Job

Now maybe you thought about some friends you need to kick out, but what about the confidence to meet new people and potential new friends? What are some ways you can be more confidence with no just yourself, but in how you interact with others? It’s a tricky questions because everyone is different. Some are naturally shy, and some are incredibly outspoken. I was never a shy kid growing up, but I still benefitted from ways on how to interact with other people better. So what helped that? Believe it or not, a job.

Having a job helped me tremendously believe it or not. I remember as early as I was legally able to work, I had a job. I was fourteen years old working at my first job as a cashier in a local McDonald’s. Perfect job for a kid my age at the time, but I didn’t enjoy it. I had a temper back then and I was forced to learn how to deal with customers of different personalities. Some were really nice and others came in feeling entitled. Working retail helps grow character and you come out a better person for it. 

If you’re not naturally a social person, it will definitely help you grow more comfortable in socializing with other people. It’s a muscle that needs to be exercised and in time I know if shyness is something you deal with, a job will certainly help in being more social. Just remember that being social isn’t a bad thing! It can open doors for you in ways you wouldn’t imagine. It’s like a singer who is shy. A customer may be a talent scout for his profession, but if you don’t say a word to them, then how will they know? 

A job also will help you fund the gym membership, the clothing you may want to buy, and any haircuts so keep that in mind also!

Educate Yourself

If you notice, confidence usually comes with growing as a person. This is why I also feel that educating yourself is key to confidence. Whether this means going to school, or learning something on YouTube, always look to learn something new everyday. Being intelligent is certainly a confidence booster, as it will impress those you socialize with besides yourself. Remember that education should be a lifelong journey. Grow as a person and have fun with it. Currently I’m learning how to play the piano. I have an 88 key MIDI keyboard that I’ve been using, and I know once I learn how to play some songs with it, my confidence will definitely go up! 

Start Caring Less!

Folks we’re almost near the episode and I want to leave you with this: this is your life! Start caring less about what other people think about you. Work on yourself of course, but don’t live for the approval of other people either. You live your life only once and this very moment is the youngest you’ll ever be. Stop living in fear and live in victory, as the Lord had intended. Understand that there is more to life than just waking up, going to school, then working, after retiring only to then pass away not long after. You can break out of this. Chase your goals and dreams. Cut out the losers in your circle and start finding friends that will actually elevate you in life. Hit the gym and the mall, so that you can smile at the reflection in the mirror. You are awesome, and it’s time you start living like it!

Prayer

Obviously it’s much easier said than done. Although there is a living God, that loves us and has a plan for each of our life, this also means we have an adversary. The enemy does not want you to live in confidence, but rather fear. Please understand that. The Lord wants to transform your life, but know that when you allow God to do that, you’ll receive some opposition. I want to close this podcast out with prayer. I pray that the Lord may provide you with strength, guidance and transformation in your life. 

Dear Heavenly Father, Lord we thank you for this amazing day! Thank you for the fact that you created us to be strong, loving, and confident. Thank you for all you do in our lives that we may not currently see. Lord we pray right now for strength because we live in a corrupt world that wants us to live in fear, and not power. Lord we ask for guidance because we understand that there is an enemy that does not want us to live our lives in abundance. Help strength us Lord, so that we may be able to withstand the temptations of this world. Lord I know also there are areas of our lives that may not be pleasing to you. Lord forgive us and give us another opportunity to do better. Lord we thank you for loving us so much that you have a special plan for each and everyone who wants to surrender to you. Thank you for what you’ve done in our lives, for what you’re currently doing, and for what you will do. May we live our lives hereon with confidence that we are your children and we were not created to be fearful. We thank you and in Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

Outro

Well folks that’s the end of this episode. I want to thank you so much for tuning in today! It always means a lot for you to take time out of your day to tune in to the podcast! It would mean so much if you’d share this with someone who may need this! Please leave a review on iTunes if you enjoy the podcast! It would truly help me out. Feel free to reach out to me on social media, or through my website, mynameisangel.com. Till next time folks! This has been The Message, with Angel. God bless.